Most of us go through life living in the shoes of others, fulfilling expectations that others have created for us and neglecting what we truly want. However the question we ask when we get up in the morning or before we go to bed is essentially the same. What do I really want? do i want to live in a routine that is destroying my body and destroying my personal life leaving just a vessel of a human being, however playing the role in front of others to satisfy their egos and neglecting my own true calling?
Most of us live life on default mode …following rather than doing…following our parents demands, our friends interests and where trip advisor suggests we should travel too. However this is rarely our true self talking to us.
The want varies depending upon our life circumstances and time. What i want now might not be what I want in 10 years time, I might regret that I want to do medicine and neglect other areas like language learning, not taking action now might create future regret.
However regret and desire might actually be the same thing. Regret is the feeling of disappointment at a pre-planned or premeditated concept of a future outcome, that’s why when we don’t plan stuff or when stuff happens randomly we assume that its magical “unbelievable”.
Human existence, as it follows the laws of entropy is by its own nature chaotic therefore outcomes are never as we plan them to be. So trying to pre plan an outcome before hand or contemplate on the outcome is pretty useless as life its self is random. We can however breakdown getting what we want in life be planning and developing both hard and soft skills. The 5 best practices that can improve our lives include incredibly simple things that we can do to achieve our goals.
Make yourself an asset, gain skills
Of course, we all want to be irreplaceable, so the simple and obvious answer is…. make it so. If you are a true asset to your company, not only will they want to keep you around, they will want to keep you as happy as possible, as you become invaluable to them. Simple things such as becoming more visible in the workplace, becoming more productive and striving to simply be a pleasant human being can make you invaluable for the company. Work hard, become an expert in your field, build a great reputation – do whatever it takes to make it much more trouble to replace you than it is to satisfy you. It is easier to ask for something when your past accomplishments speak for themselves.
Ask and be bold
Ask and be specific. It sounds so obvious, and yet sometimes we expect to get exactly what we want without being clear as to what that is. Sometimes without ever having asked for it at all. Have you been wanting a raise? Or maybe you are after that newly available position? You can’t expect others to read your mind. Figure out exactly what it is you want, and ask for it clearly and confidently. Don’t beat around the bush. Express your want specifically and concisely so that there isn’t any confusion, doubt, or wiggle room on the receiver’s end.
Do not apologize
Sometimes asking your seniors, boss or HR team can be stressful. It can be difficult to stand your ground, which often leads to apologizing for what you want. You might catch yourself starting with, “I’m sorry to ask, but…” and later on following up with, “If not, it’s no big deal.” Don’t. People often mistake apologizing for their wants with being polite, its not the case. Of course, you can still be polite without backing down. Apologizing for your want comes across as unconfident which can make your superior feel unconfident in granting it to you. Don’t give in! Be strong! You have nothing to apologize for.
Prepare to fail
As with every investment there is no profit or return on investment (ROI) if there is no loss. Loss is a normal part of existence, however instead of focusing on what we lost we can use our failure in order to recognize that it was an amateurish attempt towards future success. This can’t be more true, the more skills you develop and the more you fail, the more you become skilled and the better probability of success will be. So fail more and get out there!
Not every want is granted right away. Don’t give in too quickly. Just because you’ve gotten one or ten (or even a hundred) nos, it doesn’t mean you should move on. Try a new approach. If the front door is closed, try the back. Is the window open? What about the garage? Have another go at it. Lee Iacocca, the former President of Ford and Chairman of Chrysler explains, “you’ve got to say, ‘I think that if I keep working at this and want it badly enough I can have it.’ It’s called perseverance.” Keep at it.
Only working on our own skills and abilities can we change our future self and improve the future probabilities that await us. By modifying ourselves we become increasingly successful in finding opportunity, and as we gain more opportunities the more we gain success in our lives. Basically what you want is not a wish but a result of action and research that take time, sometimes years.